A while back, several of us were out having dinner after work. Nothing out of the ordinary. Happens all the time. Until I noticed I was the only guy at the table. Mind you, it wasn't planned that way. Yet it happened. Me. And eight women. Lord have mercy. There was food and there was drink. I could deal with it.
The next morning, one of our friend's that attended dinner the night before mentioned something (as a joke, mostly) that had not crossed either Sarah's or my mind - I need to write about "life with a fashionista." Pretty novel concept, I figured. In that very instant, I had come up with not one, not two, but FIVE days worth of training material. Oh yes - training material. Five days worth of courses chock full of agenda items for how to deal with a fashionista that every guy needs to know. Now here's the kicker - all of that material actually came from the events that had transpired within the previous 24 hours. 24 hours! That's all it took to come up with 5 days of training material!!
So without further ado, I give you the abridged version of Day 1 - "What is going on here?"
Session 1: Dealing with no closet space.
I'm a simple man. I work in a corporate office with business professional attire. Suit and tie. Don't mind it either. Keeps things simple. A few suits. A few shirts. A few ties. Voila. Done. Doesn't sound like much, right? That's because it isn't.
You've all heard about the new loft. It's nice. Really nice. The closet downstairs has two doors on it. Walk in one side, go aaaaaaaaaaall the way down the closet and out the other side. It's the length of the bedroom wall. Not too shabby, right? PLENTY of room, right? (See where I'm going with this?) Yeah, you guessed it. No room for my few clothes in a closet 20' long. So there I was. Staring at a closet full of clothes. And none of them were mine. Seriously? What is going on here?
Session 2: Dealing with no money.
I am a firm believer that all fashionistas can be summed up in two words. High. Maintenance. No, no. Don't argue with me. I don't care how calm, cool, and collected you think you are - you're still high maintenance. (I hear that admitting there's a problem is the first step on the road to recovery, by the way...)
High maintenance. And not just about buying clothes. Not just about buying purses, or shoes, or makeup, or accessories or any of those high maintenance requirements either. Oh no. They're no fun just sitting in a closet. You have to take them places. What does this mean? Means you go out. You go out to dinner. You go have some drinks. You go do more shopping. At the end of the day, you look in your wallet, shake your head, and realize the cobwebs have cobwebs. Sigh. What is going on here?
Session 3: Dealing with no cup holders.
Cars nowadays are pretty darn sophisticated. Talking GPS'. Integrated bluetooth calling. Airbags that keep you safer than a feather in a box of packing peanuts. And cup holders. I swear there are more cup holders in my car than hairs on my head. Rarely does anyone actually use a cup holder for what it's intended though. Cup holders become the catch-all for coins, trash, that french fry that fell out of the holes in the bottom of the french fry carton because they have yet to invent a freakin french fry carton that doesn't have holes in the bottom!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Got a little carried away there. What was I saying? Oh yeah. Cup holders.
I keep my cell phone in my pants pocket everywhere I go. For only two reasons do I pull it out - when I'm using it, or when I'm sitting down. Can't stand having my phone in my pocket when I'm sitting at my desk much less when I'm driving. So what do I do with it? I put it in the cup holder. Only there is no available cup holder. How can that be?? This car comes equipped with 500 of the things. Surely I'm missing one. Nope. They're taken. Not by coins. Not by trash. Not even by that long lost french fry. But by your fashionista. Rings, earrings, bracelets, bangles, watches, sunglasses, makeup, shoes (yes, even shoes)... You have GOT to be kidding me. What in the THUNDER is going on here??
And that, my friends, concludes our training for Day 1. So back to the original question - why this guest post? Keep an eye out for Day 2: Whining.