Congratulate yourself, gentlemen. I applaud your fortitude in making it this far. We've endured 11 hour shopping excursions. We've surrounded yourself with other
Day 1 is the disruption. In an instant, we have nothing. No closet space. No money. No cupholders.
Day 2 is the agitation. Whining from our fashionista that she has no clothes. No money for clothes. And wants you to buy her some clothes.
Day 3 is the recognition. Accepting that this is how it is. Learning the basics of their language. Having to shop with them. And how to keep from dying.
Day 4 is the cooperation. Being surrounded by fashionistas. But more importantly, putting ourselves in those situations on purpose.
Today is the capitalization. Today is the 'why.' Today, we take back control. Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!!!
And so I conclude this 5-day training session on Life with a Fashionista with Day 5: Touche.
Session 1: Marketing your fashionista (formerly titled 'Pimping your ho')
I am confident all guys are born with at least one common superhero attribute - being a ninja. And yes, I'm referring to those kung fu movie characters dressed in all black who sneak around nefariously undetected and continue speaking after their mouths have stopped moving. Ninjas. Why do all guys have this attribute? Because we're awesome. And we have Chuck Norris. 'Nuff said. To the untrained eye, us guys appear as pushovers. Spineless drones forced into a life serving the almighty diva fashionista. I scoff at your naivety. We have actually been channeling our inner Bruce Lee waiting for the right moment to strike. That moment is now.
Time to take all of the notes - both mental and documented on our smartphones - and get to work
The Super Bowl will be here in a few weeks. She will be busy for the next 9 months Time to sit back and enjoy the game in peace, my friend.
Session 2: She can buy you clothes now. And alcohol.
Black Friday. Cyber Monday. The day after Christmas. The 40% off sales event at Ann Taylor. Your fashionista already knows about these discount events. We (unfortunately) all know about these. No need to dread these days as much anymore. She's already so plugged in with department stores and boutiques and online outlets that she's getting discount codes and deals before the store owners even realize they have products to sell. And to top it off, she's getting things at such great deals she doesn't have to spend your money!!
What else does this mean for you? Not only does she pick up a purse, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 sweaters, a scarf, 5 tops, 2 skirts, and a 5-gallon bucketful of rings, necklaces, earrings, makeup and other
After spending 15 minutes loading up the car with all of said purchases, your dear, sweet fashionista turns to you and says, "There are several of my friends going out for dinner and drinks tonight. Let's go with them." Your head spins as the flashbacks of you stranded with a room full of fashionistas hit you wave after wave. As your breathing returns to normal, you realize you've got this. "Sure, babe. But you're buying."
You're welcome. I accept Paypal.