Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Guest Post by The Photog: Life with a Fashionista - Day 5

Yes, I'm still here.  Yes, I know you've been waiting for this.  The time has finally come.

Congratulate yourself, gentlemen.  I applaud your fortitude in making it this far.  We've endured 11 hour shopping excursions.  We've surrounded yourself with other crazies fashionistas.  We've even pulled a muscle or two lugging heavy bags around.  Why in the world would we want to go any further?  Before I answer, let's recap.

Day 1 is the disruption.  In an instant, we have nothing.  No closet space.  No money.  No cupholders.
Day 2 is the agitation.  Whining from our fashionista that she has no clothes.  No money for clothes.  And wants you to buy her some clothes.
Day 3 is the recognition.  Accepting that this is how it is.  Learning the basics of their language.  Having to shop with them.  And how to keep from dying.
Day 4 is the cooperation.  Being surrounded by fashionistas.  But more importantly, putting ourselves in those situations on purpose.
Today is the capitalization.  Today is the 'why.'  Today, we take back control.  Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!!!

And so I conclude this 5-day training session on Life with a Fashionista with Day 5: Touche.

Session 1: Marketing your fashionista (formerly titled 'Pimping your ho')

I am confident all guys are born with at least one common superhero attribute - being a ninja.  And yes, I'm referring to those kung fu movie characters dressed in all black who sneak around nefariously undetected and continue speaking after their mouths have stopped moving.  Ninjas.  Why do all guys have this attribute?  Because we're awesome.  And we have Chuck Norris.  'Nuff said.  To the untrained eye, us guys appear as pushovers.  Spineless drones forced into a life serving the almighty diva fashionista.  I scoff at your naivety.  We have actually been channeling our inner Bruce Lee waiting for the right moment to strike.  That moment is now.

Time to take all of the notes - both mental and documented on our smartphones - and get to work pimping marketing your fashionista.  Get on Facebook.  Get on Twitter.  Create some business cards.  Contact publications and media outlets and businesses.  Tell everyone you know about your fashionista.  Send her to fashion shows.  Send her to grand openings.  Send her to fashion/beauty events.  Reach out to those store managers you took note of on your smartphone to tell them that your fashionista would love to help market their store announcements.

The Super Bowl will be here in a few weeks.  She will be busy for the next 9 months  Time to sit back and enjoy the game in peace, my friend.

Touche.

Session 2: She can buy you clothes now.  And alcohol.

Black Friday.  Cyber Monday.  The day after Christmas.  The 40% off sales event at Ann Taylor.  Your fashionista already knows about these discount events.  We (unfortunately) all know about these.  No need to dread these days as much anymore.  She's already so plugged in with department stores and boutiques and online outlets that she's getting discount codes and deals before the store owners even realize they have products to sell.  And to top it off, she's getting things at such great deals she doesn't have to spend your money!!

What else does this mean for you?  Not only does she pick up a purse, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 sweaters, a scarf, 5 tops, 2 skirts, and a 5-gallon bucketful of rings, necklaces, earrings, makeup and other crap accessories (anyone see a reason why you have no cupholders?) for herself, she is also buying you 2 sets of workout clothes and a nice winter coat that you've needed for 10 years.  Obviously there isn't quite the same balance in purchases, but hey, you've got no closet space anyways.

After spending 15 minutes loading up the car with all of said purchases, your dear, sweet fashionista turns to you and says, "There are several of my friends going out for dinner and drinks tonight.  Let's go with them."  Your head spins as the flashbacks of you stranded with a room full of fashionistas hit you wave after wave.  As your breathing returns to normal, you realize you've got this.  "Sure, babe.  But you're buying."

Touche.    
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7 comments:

  1. So funny, Tim! Y'all are the best, and this has been such a hilarious series! Come up with other things to blog about so the fun can continue, please. Thanks. :)

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  2. Well, this was worth the wait! See, underneath all the bravado and sugar-mommy dreaming, you're actually a wonderful and supportive boyfriend. You may have everyone else fooled, but not me!

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  3. Tim! Are there more of you? I am laughing so hard! LOVED the series

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  4. hahhhhaahahhahaha! you need to publish a book Tim :D

    xxx,

    Fashion Fractions

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  5. This was great! So does this mean you are sending Sarah to the IFB Conference in New York? Because that would rock and it would give you prime Basketball watching time to yourself! Just sayin'...

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